Private Fears in Public Places
by 47caskett
Summary: A look into 2 close calls of Beckett and Castle's partnership. One-shot, Song-fic. Story from a song-a-day Advent challenge.


**A/N: This is my first ever fanfiction, and it has no beta, so I apologise for any mistakes I've made. It originally wasn't going to be a ficlet but the song reminded me of caskett so I went for it. This is for an advent challenge I'm doing where you write 1 story each day of advent to a different song and yesterdays song was 'Private Fears in Public Places' by Front Porch Step, I highly encourage people to participate in this advent challenge!**

**All dialogue in this fic is taken verbatim from the episode they originate from. **

**Spoilers for Always and Countdown.**

* * *

_"__Cause I'd rather fight, with you, then laugh with another"_

He was probably very close to pleading right now, especially with her, but he stood firm and tried to give off the aura of authority.

He failed.

Beckett glared at him.

"-How do you know that he's not involved, and how they hell could you do this?" Her voice was raised, shaking with anger.

"Because I love you. But you already know that, don't you? You've known for about a year." Yeah, he was pulling out all the stops, but he wasn't the only one keeping secrets. He wasn't the only one who was hurt through them, either. But he threw it out, because he needed her to know that he knew. He needed her to know that they were both on equal ground here – a damaging secret each.

"Are you kidding me? You're actually bringing this up right now? After you told me that you just betrayed me?"

"Kate, listen to me…" he began, ready to plead his case.

"Listen to you? Why should I listen to you? How am I supposed to trust anything that you say?"

"How are you-" His eyes widened in anger, losing his cool and falling right into the argument.

"Because of everything we've been through together! Four years I've been right here, four years just waiting for you to just open your eyes and see that I'm right here, and that I'm more than a partner. Every morning I bring you a cup of coffee just to see a smile on your face because I think you are the most-" He paused, collecting his thoughts before deciding how to continue his verbal charge.

"-Remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met." He pauses again, this time for effect, before surging on.

"And I love you Kate, and if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, just please don't do this." He'd reached the stage where he would plead, beg, do anything just to keep her safe.

"If I care about you, Castle? You cut a deal for my life like I was some sort of a child. My life. Mine. You don't get to decide." She never addresses whether or not she cares about him – that's not the kind of person she is – but it hurts all the same. They were throwing out too many punches tonight and it was taking its toll.

"You keep going with this? They're gonna decide. They're gonna come for you, Kate." He's pulling out the only strings he knows, because he can't let her continue with this case.

"Let them come. They sent Coonan and he is dead. They sent Lockwood and he is dead and I am still here Castle and I am ready."

"Ready for what? To die for your cause? This isn't a murder investigation anymore, Kate, they've turned it into a war" Last chance, he decides, and if she doesn't concede he'd go. He couldn't watch her die for someone who'd already left.

"If they want a war, then I will bring them a war. Straight to their doorsteps." He looks away, tears stinging at his eyes, before he composes himself.

"Well, I guess there's just nothing I can say, is there?" She looks at him, raising her head in a half nod, almost subconsciously.

"Okay, um, yeah, you're right, Kate-" He turns away and she swallows, knowing this is probably the last she'd see of him.

"It's your life. You can throw it away if you want but I'm not going to stick around and watch so this is, um, over. I'm done." Her eyes start to cloud, and he instinctively wants to stay, but he turns and leaves. He's done.

* * *

"Castle-" Her head is twisted away, hood up, lashes thick with frost. He's got his arms wrapped around her, putting her first in the way only he can. He grabbed her had, raising it slightly before tucking it back down into their body heat.

"-Are you there?" Her questions startles him slightly – can't she feel him pressed against her? It doesn't matter to him, and he answers quickly.

"Yeah I'm right – I'm right here." He stammers, the cold squeezing his chest and burning his lungs.

"I can't feel anything," She begins, her eyes wandering the freezing storage container.

"I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet," She closes her eyes for a second, before opening them. Teeth chattering, she smiles softly.

"Never thought I'd freeze to death." Her eyes are closed properly now, and he presses his cheek against his head, the slight pressure keeping her eerily calm.

"Hey, we're not dead yet." She knows he's just trying to keep her spirits up. The chance of the boys finding them is low, and they've been in there for a while. She was starting to give up hope.

"I just wish this was one of your books and you could re-write the ending" The rough edge of her voice was distinct because of the cold. She let out a shiver, her breath shaking in the container.

"I'm s – I'm sorry," He says, his voice shaking with cold, frost breath pouring out his mouth as the words do.

"For what?" She replies, but her voice is muffled and it comes out as more 'Frwat?' than 'For what?' but he understands anyway.

"For being me. Going rogue. Getting you into – into this. If we hadn't gone – gone rogue…" His voice shakes while talking, and she huffs softly, ready to reprimand him for even thinking it was his fault

"Oh, shh. Castle, no. Okay? Shhh. You were right. We found the bomb. We were just too late, okay?" She turns her body, twisting and raising her fingers to his cheek. "Castle. Thank you... for being there." Her hand drops onto his chest, and he huffs much like she did.

"Always." It's their word; it's their way of being there for each other. It's exactly what she needs right then and there.

"I just want you to know how much I…" Her hand drops completely, and he twists her body to press her against the wall of the container.

"Kate. Stay with me." He has a worried tone to his voice, fearing the worst.

"Kate. Stay with me." He repeats the words, cupping her head before closing his eyes and giving into the cold.

_"__And I'd rather freeze in your arms, than be warm under covers"_


End file.
